Wheat Field with Golden Sun

今天在Psychologies那做了個測驗, does shyness affect your life?
因為太也神準, 不得不貼出來.

Being in the spotlight isn't your cup of tea: you often retreat from society, preferring to blend into the background as an observer. You are a quiet person and when someone you don't know comes over to meet you you go bright red disturbingly quickly, even if, deep down, you are really pleased that this person wants to get to know you. On the other hand, as soon as you find yourself in a familiar situation you forget your shyness and can be very sociable. You just need time to build your confidence before you can really act naturally. The problem is that you often get the impression that others find you strange, odd, or just not up to scratch. You always think people expect too much from you because you know that you're not as good as them: you're not as intelligent, funny, or as socially adept. One small word of advice: stop being afraid that others are judging you because you are in fact your harshest critic. Remind yourself that it's a waste of your time feeling intimidated and get things into perspective.

事實上是這樣的, 從小到大, 我一直都會有種感覺, 班上那個誰誰誰一定不喜歡我啦, 或者他們一定覺得我怎樣怎樣啦, 之類之類.
所以就不由自主的hold back了.
然後反而被對方認為我對他們有成見orz

後來我在free app的地方找到了這個: How do others see you?

測了一下, 問題大都是些我平常怎麼解決問題啦, 在不同場合跟人的相處, 坐姿, 睡姿之類之類, 答案範圍很廣, 沒有那種"一看就很shy"的選項.
結果出來, 我又是SHY...

People think you are shy and hesitant. It's very difficult for you to make decisions for yourself and you always need someone's footsteps to follow. You rarely get involved in relevant issues, because you are too scared you'll fail. You always feel anxious, thinking there are more problems than there really are. Relax, let relationships with others flow and do not give everything so much importance. Here's a tip: trust in you!

好吧, 這又讓我想起了在中學的往事.
記得那時候班上推薦我去參加英文演講, 可是我因為太害怕演講這件事了, 竟然去辦公事編個藉口把已交的報名表偷回來了.
另外印象中還有幾件比較瑣碎的, 我都是用請假給避過了.

其實我一直都明瞭, 我是個極度自負又自卑的類型, 很多時候之所以會害怕會避免, 只是為了保護我那脆弱的self-esteem.
剛出國那兩年忽然間擺脫這個問題了, 不過不知不覺間好像又重蹈覆轍了(我猜我可能不適合在大群體中生活吧?)
--- 所以我的NYR自然應該要是, 勇於跨出, dun bother what others think, cos they think not!